ELZAPO

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Presentation	Call me Zapo. Means frog in Yiddish. Oh, by the way, I'm not Jewish: Thank God I'm an atheist. Frog-eyed, splayfooted, Ricky-Martin slick--my motto is this, Cash is King. Have: A 150-pound albino Chihuahua named Chewy, a three-legged Egyptian cat named Mishy that beats the shit out of Chewy; a donkey lottery run by a Mexican Redneck named Vaseline. Don't ask. Don't have: Cash, sense of humor, Conchitas leaving zip-loc bags full of crappy sugar cookies in my mailbox. Of the Sopranos. Like Paulie Walnuts says, My mother is a Whuuoor. Nice fucking nuns you got up there, father. So what's up with Zapo's Sopranos this season? Madone. How about some nice bialys for T, no onions, for crissake. You think Crissy is gonna get in trouble with the Saudis, fall in love with a stuttering A-rab named Araphat? You think they're gonna legalize jalapeno tequila, or what? Next week we gotta recipe from cousin Chef Guido: Mussels Marinara. Nice. P.S. If you gotta any complaints about me because I'm a fish, call this number, toll-free: 1-800-yur-mama!
Personality	Open minded
Occupation	Chief