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Player Profile
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RedDressMom
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(United States)About me
| Presentation | Hiya - I love to play online poker - real or play money. Somes Jokes I like and thought i would share: ```````````````````` ```````````````````` ````````````` No Sex Since 1955 An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?" Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now. ```````````````````` ```````````````````` `````````````` Heaven In Hell? A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads. ```````````````````` ```````````````````` ```````````````` `````` Going To Jesus Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven. They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today." "What?" his father replied. "When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure ``````````````` ````````` Purifying Water A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. He asks the first nun, "Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis???" The nun giggles and replies, "Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate. St Peter asks the next nun the same question. "Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis.." The nun is a little reluctant but reply's "Well I once fondled and stroked one.. St Peter says, "OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate..." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says "Sister, what seems to be the rush???" The nun replys "If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in there ```````````````````` ```````````````````` ``````````````` ```````````` Because I'm Blonde? A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you are 25. ```````````````` `````````````````` Lawyer And Blonde A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. Thanks for checking me out and hope to see you at the poker tables. |
| Personality | Mischievous |
| Occupation | Chief |
My Poker Achievements
| Date | Event | Winnings |
|---|
Game Information
| Poker Idol: | |
| Favourite game | |
| Structure: | |
| Casino game | |
| Prefers | |
| PokerOnline |
Hobbies & Favourites
| Hobbies | Business and Investments, Health and Fitness, Online Shopping, Night Life, Eating Out, Entertainment Movies Theater, Online Gaming |
| Favourite sports | Baseball, Basketball, Wrestling |
| Favourite music | Hard Rock / Metal, R&B / Soul, Hip Hop / Rap |
Personal Links
| Link | Description |
|---|---|
| poker site | |
| MY SPACE | Check out my pic and also find out about a poker site bonus you should not miss out on. |
My TopLists
Fav. hands I have had on-line
- Royal Straight Flush in clubs by the Turn
- 4 kings on the Flop
- 4 aces by the Turn
- 4 Jacks by the River
- Straight Flush in Hearts by Turn
Latest Visitors
| Nickname | Date | |
|---|---|---|
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HempFree | 1 May, 2012 |
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NDSUbones | 24 Jan, 2009 |
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Covert 1 | 24 Jan, 2009 |
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_chelanslim | 13 Dec, 2008 |
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_acehighcall | 2 Dec, 2008 |
