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StonerPtH
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(United States)About me
| Presentation | Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a louse; The plants were drying by the chimney with care, In hopes that the bud would soon be ready to share. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of bowling danced in their heads; And mamma had the crop, And I had my pipe And we'd just settled down and begun to get nice. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I dropped my bowl to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore closed the shutters, and threw down the sash. The security light on the new-fallen snow Gave the luster of midday to the Pinto below; When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But my buds decked out in full party gear. Beer cans rattled as they opened their doors, And I knew in a moment what they had come for. More rapid than agents with warrants they came, And they whistled, and shouted, and called out my name: "YO ELVIS!, YO ELVIS!, WE'VE COME TO PARTAKE!, WE KNOW YOU GOT WEED MAN-IT'S TIME TO BAKE! To the top of your porch! To the top of your wall! Mooch Away! Mooch Away! Mooch Away, all!" As dry buds that before the wild hurricane fry, When they meet with an obstacle, it's time to get high; So up to the house-top my buds they all flew With bags full of munchies and bowls and bongs too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my roof- The prancing of flip-flops and I knew it was proof- As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney my buds came with a bound. They were dressed all in tye-dye from their heads to their foot, And their clothes were all tarnished with resin and soot; A bundle of bowls they had flung on their backs, As they scanned my crib for something to pack. Their eyes-how they twinkled; their pimples, how merry! Their eyes were all bloodshot, their noses like cherrys! Their parched little mouths were dry as a bone, And their lids were all hanging incredibly low; The stump of a blunt they held tight in their teeth, And the smoke it encircled their heads like a wreath; They had Dorito-stained faces and little round bellys That shook, when they coughed, like a bowl full of jelly. A wink of their eyes and a flick of their bics, Soon gave me to know they were about to get lit; They spoke not a word and went straight for my stash, And filled all their bowls; then turned it to ash, And coughing and laughing rip after rip, They toked and they toked and smoked all my shit!; They sprang to their Pinto and slammed on the gas, Got it all sideways and tore up my grass. But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight, "THANKS FOR THE WEED MAN-ANYONE GOT A LIGHT?!" -------------------------------------------------- ----------- A few jokes; The stoner went to a bar. He hasn't had any nookie in awhile. He saw this hot looking chick leaning on the juke-box in a dark corner and decided to talk to her. Hey baby I know this is a little forward but I dont get out much so I'm willing to take a chance. Why dont me and you go to your place and get stoned, maybe cuddle and make a little whoopie. She looked up at the stoner and said - I cant right now, im on my menstrual cycle. "The stoner scratched his head and thought for a second - it's ok I'll follow you, I'm on my honda. These three stoners are sitting in a room smoking pot. After a few joints they run out of weed, so one of them stands up and says, "Look, we've got loads of weed - I'll just go into the kitchen and make one of my speciality spliffs." So he goes into the kitchen, grabs some cumin, turmeric, some Tobasco and a couple of other cooking spices, grinds them up and then rolls them into a huge joint. Then he goes back into the other room and hands it to one of his smoking partners who lights it and takes a long drag. Within seconds he passes out. After ten minutes he's still out cold, so they decide to take him to hospital. When they get there, he's wheeled away into Intensive Care. A few minutes later the doctor returns and asks, "What the hell your friend smoking? "Well, he thought he was smoking weed but I ran out of bud, so I made a homemade joint." "Oh," says the doctor. "What did you put in it?" "Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric, Tobasco sauce and a couple of other cooking spices." The doctor sighs. "Well, that explains it." "Why, what's wrong with him?" asks one of the stoners. The doctor replies. He's in a coma." A stoner is Standing in front of a Pop Machine and he keeps putting in a Dollar, and a can of Soda pops out. Someone passing by has Seen the Whole thing and Asks, "What the hell, are you Doing?" "The STONER replies, "Duh! I'm Winning!". A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, "You're an ambulance!" A stoner wants to learn about ice fishing.So he gathers all the necessary equipment and goes to the nearest frozen ice. About 20 feet out he cuts a hole in the ice. "There's no fish there!" booms a voice. The stoner shrugs and moves out another 50 feet and starts to cut another hole. "There's no fish there, either!" booms the voice. The stoner shouts, "Is that you God?" "No," says the voice, "I own the ice rink!" These three guys die in a car wreck and they all go to Hell. When they arrive the Devil asks each of the men what their sin was. The first guy says, "It's gotta be the booze. I'm always drunk." The Devil decides to lock him in a room with nothing but shelves of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The guy's thinking, "Fuck yeah! Look at all this alcohol!" and runs into the room. The second guy says, "It's the women, I could never stay faithful to my wife." The devil opens up the second door and inside is nothing but the finest looking naked women as far as the eye can see. The guy was to be locked in for 100 years. He couldn't believe it and his dick got instantly hard and he went running into the room as the Devil locked the door behind him. The third dude says, "It's gotta pot. I'm always tokin' up." The Devil opens the third door to reveal nothing but fields of 10 foot tall icky, sticky, take-a-toke, make-ya-choke, chronic, green, death bud. The stoner can't believe it. He goes in and takes a seat Indian style with his back to the door and the Devil shuts and locks the door. One hundred years pass and the Devil returns to check on the three men. He opens the first door and the man comes crawling out. He's got an empty bottle in one hand, he's completely naked, hasn't shaved or showered in years, and is covered in his own puke, shit, and piss. "I'll never drink again!" he says. The Devil says it's good he learned something and decides to give him a second shot at life. The Devil then comes to the third door. He opens it and sees nothing has changed. The stoner is still sitting there in the same position that he was 100 years ago. The Devil asks him if he's learned anything. The stoner turns around as a tear rolls down his cheek, "You gotta light, man?" So two potheads have been charged with possession and both plead "no contest." The judge decides to be lenient on them and not give them any time if they spend the next 24 hours reforming evil drug users. (Must have been a first offense.) They return to the courthouse the next day and the judge asks them how many people they've gotten off drugs. The first guy says, "Twenty-four!" "Amazing," says Hizzoner, since that's about 12,000 times better than the statistics. "How'd you do it?" "Simple," says the head. "I just show them: 'O' - This is your brain; 'o' - this is your brain on drugs." "Impressive," says the judge. Turning to the second head, he says, "And how did you fare?" "Yer honor, I saved 233 souls from the bonds of the evil weed." "And how did you manage that?" "Kinda the same as the other guy, 'cept I told people: 'o' - this is your ass hole; 'O' - THIS is your ass hole in prison." More Stoner Jokes Q. What is the difference between politicians and stoners ? A. Politicians don't inhale...they just suck. Q. How do you get a one armed hippie out of a tree ? A. You pass him a joint. Q. What do you get when you eat marijuana ? A. A pot belly Q. What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs ? A. Double jointed. Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first. Q. What do you call one bowl between three tokers ? A. Malnutrition. Q. What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ? A. A Liar. Q. How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ? A. When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter. You might be a stoner if your bong gets washed more than your dishes. There is a thin line between love and hate. Its starts about halfway through the joint. Reality is an illusion caused by the lack of good pot. Q. What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner ? A. The drunk will drive through a stop sign while the stoner will wait for it to turn green. Q. Why did the pot head plant cheerios ? A: He thought they were donut seeds. Two stoners were walking and saw a fly on a pile of crap. One stoner says to the other- Wow he had to go bad. |
| Personality | Fun |
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My Poker Achievements
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Game Information
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| PokerOnline |
Hobbies & Favourites
| Hobbies | Night Life, Entertainment Movies Theater |
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Personal Links
| Link | Description |
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| Everyone Does it | All your stoner needs |
| Maximum Impact Paintball | My Game Site.. |
My TopLists
Latest Visitors
| Nickname | Date | |
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PujiSun | 22 Feb, 2006 |
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burninroor | 17 Jan, 2006 |
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slak420 | 5 Jan, 2006 |
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KTGforce1 | 1 Jan, 2006 |
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G Rok Devine | 22 Dec, 2005 |
