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Vasco71124
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(United States)About me
| Presentation | Give me a good game of hold em or rack um up for a game of eight ball. Have fun, be carefull and enjoy whatever you do. good luck, i'm not a cowboy just a stupid pic sign the guest book if you like. little humor Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" he asked. "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired, too." ************************* Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flahser approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't quite reach that far BE WARNED! I don't know how many of you visit the MGM Grand Casino but this may be useful to know. I have become a victim of a clever scam when using the casino’s car parking facility. This happened to me and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are about to get in after leaving the casino. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another car parking facility in the city. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then, one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday ... Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow and ... 1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? 2. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 3. Why is there an "s" in the word "lisp"? 4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 5. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? 6. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table, you always manage to knock something else over? 7. Finally, why, oh why, are you still reading this? . Redneck Math Challenge I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam: 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '86 Dodge Diplomat (C) '80 Ford pickup. 3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed? 6. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer? I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't cha? It's okay if ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare ya for in this life. As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK MATH CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place a delivery order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them. Ya'll have a nice day now, y'hear?! favorite site - www.homeclips.com |
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My Poker Achievements
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Game Information
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| PokerOnline |
Hobbies & Favourites
| Hobbies | Online Gaming |
| Favourite sports | Baseball, Basketball, Football |
| Favourite music | Jazz, Blues, Rock |
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Latest Visitors
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vodafone.7 | 28 Jul, 2008 |
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JORDA1964 | 24 Apr, 2008 |
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njic33ent | 7 Apr, 2008 |
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baltatien | 2 Apr, 2008 |
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ideaspring | 31 Mar, 2008 |
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