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acesn8s4Joe
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(United States)About me
| Presentation | J-M-F-J Gotta joke?? Lets hear it!!! A lawyer and a Mexican... A lawyer and a Mexican are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Mexicans are so dumb that he could get over on them easy.... So the lawyer asks the Mexican if he would like to play a fun game. The Mexican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.' This catches the Mexican's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the moon?' The Mexican doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Mexican's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the earphone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Mexican and hands him $500. The Mexican pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Mexican up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?' The Mexican reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep. Don't mess with Mexicans. --- And then the fight started-- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ****************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... **************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... *************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started... No Sex Since 1955 An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?" Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now.----- -------------------- ------------- Because I'm Blonde? A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, Honey, it's because you are 25. ---------------------------- -------------------------------- THE SHORTEST FAIRY TALE Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, Will you marry me? The girl said NO!, And the guy lived happily ever after, went fishing, played golf, drank beer and left the toilet seat up whenever he wanted, THE END. (thanks hempster)------ ------------- --- - |
| Personality | Cool |
| Occupation | Grinder |
My Poker Achievements
| Date | Event | Winnings |
|---|
Game Information
| Poker Idol: | J R Bellande, Phil Ivey, Gus Hansen |
| Favourite game | Texas Holdem |
| Structure: | No-limit |
| Casino game | BlackJack |
| Prefers | Cash games |
| PokerOnline | Play money |
Hobbies & Favourites
| Hobbies | Eating Out, Online Gaming |
| Favourite sports | Baseball, Basketball, Bowling, Golf, Football, Hockey |
| Favourite music | Rock |
Personal Links
| Link | Description |
|---|---|
| visit me and my community | Just click it |
My TopLists
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