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Player Profile
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grangehill
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(United States)About me
| Presentation | ALTERNATIVES FOR MAC USERS WASHINGTON DC - US Government sources confirmed this morning that they had located the cause for the overnight disappearance of the some 4 billion web pages that formerly made up the public internet. Apparently, the online card room Hollywood Poker has purchased and subsequently erased and rerouted the entire Internet. At approximately 1:30 am EST, network administrators at AOL realized that all internet traffic, including their internal diagnostic requests, was being automatically rerouted to the online poker site. "It was certainly strange," said AOL IT head Rob Telfer. "But I'd been meaning to try out multi table tournaments anyhow, so I just signed up, played for a bit and figured the problem would work itself out. I was up like $200," Telfer continued,"but man those people call with anything, you know?" When contacted for comment, Hollywood Poker executive host Harry Hollywood had this to say: "It can be hard for a new player to choose an online room. So many choices, so many offers - it's a little overwhelming. Since we care about our customers, we decided to make the decision a lot easier for them. A whole lot easier, in fact. See Hollywood Poker for more details. Actually, just type anything into your browser. Anything at all." At press time, experts could locate only two web pages that did not auto-redirect to Hollywood Poker : a site that offers strategy tips for playing at Hollywood Poker and that one site where you can put a cartoon cat in a blender. Failing that just take the Douche 500% bonus like the other fools. WASHINGTON DC - Government sources here confirmed today that Pacific Poker has in fact extended a massive signup bonus offer to the US Federal Government. According to representatives from Pacific Poker, the UFSG is eligible for a 20% bonus up to $500 million on its initial deposit. "With so much talk of regulation, we thought it would be a good idea for the government to get to know us better", said Party Poker Host Mike Sexton. "We're sure that once they experience the thrilling action of over 40,000 simultaneous players and non-stop multi table tournaments, they'll come around." Analysts believe that the cash-strapped US will consider the offer seriously. "That's 500 million they didn't have before, first off", contends Brian Smernag of the Cato Institute. "I mean all they have to do is play, what, a trillion raked hands, they get the bonus, plus whatever they make. And", Smernag added, "if they can convince Russia to sign up, the US could make a pretty sweet amount off the referral commission." SPRINGFIELD, IL - Aspiring online poker pro Jason McDonald had a simple plan - quit his day job, read every poker book he could get his hands on, and make a living playing online poker at Bugsy's Club Things turned out to be a little more complicated than he imagined. "The quitting my job part was easy", McDonald reported. "I hated that stupid ass job anyhow. And buying the poker books, no problem there either. I just went to Amazon and maxed out my credit card buying anything with 'poker' in the title." It was while McDonald waited for his books to arrive that the fatal flaw in his plan presented itself. "I figured while I was waiting for the books to come, I could just sign up at a few sites and poke around, get comfortable, figure out which one was for me", recalled McDonald. "Little did I know the shit I was in for. Turns out every single good screen name is, like, taken." McDonald first attempted to register as 'teddykgb'. "I wanted a name that showed I knew what was up, that I wasn't some newbie", he said. After trying variations such as teddikgb, KGBTEDDY, ted_kgb, tdkgb123, tedeekaygeebee, all without success, Mcdonald moved on to other Rounders-related names: daWorm, WORM, worm_player, rounder_worm, grama, kgb_grama, mikedarounder, kanisch, and sorryjohnidontremember, to name but a few. After exhausting Rounders-themed possibilities, McDonald focused on more generic names. "I tried like 60 fucking names with 'pro', you know, so people would know I was a pro - pokerpro, propokerpro, pro123, pro_of_poker, dapro, and nothing. I was like, shit. Then I tried the same combos but instead of 'pro' I swapped in 'rock' or 'nuts'. Nothing. All taken." Actual online professional Rick Hastings sympathizes with Mcdonald's plight. "Choosing a cool, intimidating name is a very important step in becoming an online pro", said Hastings, who plays as rickh and made over fifty thousand dollars in 2004 playing 10-20 online. "Mike should definitely focus on getting a good name as soon as possible, and not worry about reading all those books he bought or fiddling around with annoying simulation software. He needs to get online and playing as soon as possible, preferably playing 10-20 at Games Grid between 5pm and 12pm EST and collect the fabulous 1000% deposit bonus." |
| Personality | Paranoid |
| Occupation | Chief |
My Poker Achievements
| Date | Event | Winnings |
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Game Information
| Poker Idol: | |
| Favourite game | |
| Structure: | |
| Casino game | |
| Prefers | |
| PokerOnline |
Hobbies & Favourites
| Hobbies | Night Life, Entertainment Movies Theater, Online Gaming |
| Favourite sports | |
| Favourite music | Electronic, R&B / Soul |
Personal Links
| Link | Description |
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My TopLists
Latest Visitors
| Nickname | Date | |
|---|---|---|
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Verdig | 13 Mar, 2008 |
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philly215xxx | 21 Jul, 2006 |
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Scramble121 | 14 Jun, 2006 |
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dumbo1313 | 11 May, 2006 |
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Paxanth | 25 Apr, 2006 |
